


when their life hits

by ZoeAyitian



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, Pain, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29136558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoeAyitian/pseuds/ZoeAyitian
Summary: yeaaaaa i hope i made yall shed tears
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	when their life hits

**Author's Note:**

> I am in so much pain from this weeks episode it's not even funny. Like i cant breathe. My heart hurts. Is this what heartbreak feels like? Ive never even felt this way about tv show death before. Maybe thats what i get for getting too attached to fictional characters lol. I cant even look at the aot new poster i got for my birthday w/o crying. It's been a bad beginning of the week(:

The vivid dreams of blood pooled mercilessly from below the body of her unmoving body was...frequent to say the least.

Connie sat up forcefully in his cot, looking around to see if he had woken anyone up in his daze. His face was damp with tears and a bit of drool and his hands trembled as he pulled the covers off of his body. Trying to calm his breathing, Connie threw his legs over the side of his cot and placed his feet on the floor, hoping the cool metal would soothe his body.

He looked over at the empty cot across from them. Her cot. Since they were in an airship the best way to separate the girls and boys was to have each gender sleep on opposite sides of a room. Her cot had been next to Mikasa’s and directly in front of his while Jean and Armin were on either side of him.

“You can’t sleep either.”

Connie looked up to see Jean. He hadn’t even noticed he wasn’t in his cot until he saw him there standing in the doorway.

“No.”

Jean waited for a moment for him to elaborate but in the end, gave up and walked over to sit next to Connie. He glanced at her cot too.

“You know,” he paused, his eyes hard to read, “I had this idea in my head that somehow...we would survive.”

Connie chanced a glance at Jean. He did know.

“Yeah, I know that with what we're doing people die but... _Us_. The 3 of us. We...We’d stay alive until the end. I guess I was stupid for ever putting that into my mind.” Jean gave a hollow laugh.

Connie gulped. “I—” his voice cracked. “I can still hear her. I see her in my dreams. And…”

The two now grown men kept their eyes on the nearest wall in front of them.

“She just kept talking about meat.”

Silence. 

And then Jean was laughing.

Connie turned his head to look at him incredulously. Tears were streaming down Jean’s face and his face was contorted in sorrow but he was laughing. 

Okay. So, maybe he’s a little out of it.

“What the hell are laughing about?” Connie questioned, not getting the joke.

Jean only laughed harder.

Connie became frustrated because honestly—what the _fuck_ was so funny? He was about to tell Jean off but quickly found that Jean wasn’t crying anymore. He was full-on sobbing.

It was quiet so he almost didn’t recognize the transition but as soon as he hid Connie’s arm was wrapped around Jean’s shaking shoulders. Tears fell onto the floor and the fabric of their clothes, whether they were his or Jean’s was unknown to both of them. They cried together for what seemed like hours. Though they knew they would mourn this death forever.

“It’s all my fault.”

Connie sat straight at that.

“Don’t do that. No. We don’t blame ourselves. We _can’t_ blame ourselves.”

Jean shook his head. “I should’ve done something. I should’ve been quicker. It was a kid for goodness sake. I—” 

Jean’s voice caught in his throat. He was really doing this. He was really going to put this all on himself.

“If it’s your fault then it's my fault too. And everyone there, they’re to blame also.”

Jean looked at him confused. “No that’s—”

“You can’t pin it on yourself without pinning it on all of us.” Connie caught Jean’s eyes, both pairs almost bloodshot, “It’s not our fault.”

Jean hung his head low, somehow thinking that it would block out Connie’s words. But Connie kept going.

“She wouldn’t want you to blame yourself.” So far they’ve been referring to her as “she” and “her”.

Saying her name would be too painful but...maybe the pain would help get the point across.

“ _Sasha_ ,” Connie croaked out, “Wouldn’t want you to blame yourself.”

Jean’s eyes widened at her name. No one has dared to say it since she...To hear Connie, out of all of them, say it was the most surprising.

Jean leaned into Connie’s side, finally accepting the hug fully. He wrapped his arms around Connie’s torso and almost curled into his side.

They would lose people. They knew that.

But they never thought she would be among them.

And more people would be lost in this battle they were facing against humanity.

All they could do was hope that those close to them would stay by their side to the end.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah. I hope this made you cry the way that episode made me cry. I hope you WEPT. Cuz i am. I just...idk im like hella depressed now lol. I hope you liked this. Let me know how yall felt about the episode in the comments. Call me out on any mistakes cuz with how sad i am i definitely didnt proofread. R&R!


End file.
